Monday, October 18, 2010

Tee'd Off

    I played golf yesterday. Please note that I didn't say I played well. Nothing about me, acres and acres of grass, and small flags off in the distance even remotely sounds of a well-planned event. For someone who played basketball, ran cross-country, and played baseball through high school and into college, I assumed playing golf would be a relaxing time out and a chance to show off to my friends... Then, I tried it.

   For as coordinated as I was when I was actively playing sports, I have found that the most intimidating sports-related action is hitting a ball (which is NOT moving, mind you) with a large metallic club. Not to mention that hitting the damned thing is only part of the game; you have to hit it STRAIGHT. Oh yeah, and the sticks with which to hit a golf ball are bent and angled at the end in which you must make contact with the ball! Add to that the fact that each of the various weapons carried in a golf bag are designed to only hit the ball a certain distance. So, now you have to find out how far that can be hit by you because everyone can hit the same club at a different distance. Brain hurt yet?

   Nevermind that fact that I'm stupidly sore. Golf is probably that sport with the LEAST amount of contact (in my case that could mean person-to-person or club-to-ball contact). Without fail, I am sore for 2 days after we play. How is it that a fully-functioning human being can move and work every day and NEVER use 90% of the muscle groups needs to hit a golf ball? **Note to self: Create new workout video "Sweatin' the Birdies."**

   The BEST part of golf for me is just being out with the guys. We drive around on a cart, drinking beer in the hot sun, cussing at every shot we take that doesn't go where we want (so, every shot), reminding each other how horrible we are, kicking the ball using our "shoe wedge" (not a standard club, unless you play with our rules), and continually quoting the greatest golf movie of all time, Caddyshack. This is in my top five movies of all time (a later blog for sure). A MUST-SEE for anyone who loves comedies, Bill Murray, or movies with a lot of amazing one-liners.
 
"Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole!"


   For anyone reading this and saying to themselves, "Golf is easy! All you have to do is...." Suck it. The only thing tougher than golf is trying to figure out why a woman takes 3 hours to get ready to go sit in a movie theater where it's completely dark and no one can see her even if they wanted to... Another of the universe's mysteries....

1 comment:

  1. HILARIOUS! I don't understand most females. And...I'm a girl. If the dude can't like you for who you are...minus war paint, then they're not worth it... Crap it, I'm getting on a venting spree. Sheesh!

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