1000 Things I Hate: #4

#4. PEOPLE WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO USE THERE, THEIR, THEY'RE

We all know that person who is completely incapable of using the words they're, their, and there correctly. If you don't know anyone like this, then YOU are the friend who can't use it correctly. (Sorry.) It really is one of the most annoying things I see. I debated about ranting on this because I have a lot of friends who do this. However, I have a few who don't hesitate to call me out on my misuse of the language (I'm eyeballing you, Jim Davis), so I decided to move forward.

I actually get angry when it happens. It's an easy thing to remember. I mean, where the hell were these people during English class when teachers were going over this?



I'm gonna break it down so that you can share this with your friends who apparently were eating glue and shoving crayons up THEIR noses while THEIR teachers were trying to get this across in third grade.

RULE #1: See the orange highlights? That is the appropriate use of the word THEIR. When using the spelling THEIR, it is in reference to something that belongs to someone else; it is THEIRS. This is the toughest of the rules to learn, admittedly. That being said, I taught this to 3rd graders with very little issue. People who choose not to learn this rule, should have THEIR ability to type, text, and write horribly mangled love notes to THEIR significant other taken away from them.

RULE #2: This is an easy one. THERE is a reference to a location, place, or state of being. "I parked my car over THERE." "We'll see you THERE." "THERE are some things we need to talk about." An easy way to tell your friends about this one is that the word HERE is hidden in it! Ooooo! Aaahhh! Here AND there are places. So, use the word that has HERE hidden in it when referring to a place.

RULE #3: THEY'RE gonna love you for teaching them how to use this awesome contraction! THEY'RE is a contraction that brings together and shortens the two words "THEY ARE." The easiest to learn is THEY'RE. When your friend wants to use this word, make sure they break it down and see if it makes sense. "THEY'RE asleep during language class" can be translated as "THEY ARE asleep during language class." If it works, you've got it!


I know what you're thinking; "Man, Derrick is being a dick about
this." Absolutely. Ignorance, I can forgive. Stupidity, I can't. Knowing the basics of your own language is a must. We are the only major, industrialized country that doesn't have a national language. It's ridiculous (and another topic for another day). That being
said, it doesn't give people the excuse to look like fools when they don't know the rules of their native language. Just remember; it's one thing to not know any better. It's another thing to be stupid and choose to not learn. Just ask Ron White. He'll tell you, too

1000 Things I Hate: #3

#3. THE NEW YORK YANKEES

It's not that I am against winning (after all, I DO like Charlie Sheen). It IS, however, that I am against buying wins. Steinbrenner was a genius. He had it all figured out: Make a ton of money by any means necessary, have a decent team to start with, and plug holes by paying an asinine amount of money to players to fill said holes (many of which are mediocre at best). The Yankees are the most celebrated team in baseball history. Much of that they have earned. Mantle, Gehrig, Berra, DiMaggio; all true Yankees from the system up. I can respect that. What I refuse to respect is paying to win. I do get some joy out of the Yanks' deep pocket blunders. Signing Carl Pavano a few years ago (just to keep him out of Boston) cost them $40 million. He won 4 games in 26 starts. They would lose the bid to Daisuke Matsuzaka (also to the Red Sox), but would shell out $20 million for 5 years to Kei Igawa (Who?... Exactly.). He would go on to a 2-4 record and an ERA over 10. I suppose there are some small joys in life.

If you are a Yankee supporter, and can sleep well at night knowing that if you had the bank account of say, the Brewers, you would be terrible, then good for you. I'm happy for you. However, I feel it necessary to agree with my little friend here...