Derrick of the Dead: The Saga Begins

     So, anyone who knows me will be able to tell you about this strange, obscene, inexplicable obsession with zombies. I wish I knew why, but I honestly have no clue as to when it all began. I'm not a terribly morbid person, I've never seen an actual zombie (although, I did have that one professor in college that I was unsure of...), and I've never attended an event in which a dead person sat back up or tried to eat me.

     I can say for a fact that about 4 years ago, I began having extremely regular dreams about them; we're talking 4-5 times a week. I mean to the point that, even in my dream, I was telling myself what I had dreamt about earlier, so as not to make the same mistakes. It just seemed like everywhere I turned some semblance of a zombie was staggering back toward me.

     This blog will be the first in a series dedicated to all things zombie in my life. I'm sure there will be others, as I have some sort of magnetic draw to them, although I could be (un)dead wrong... Yeah, I'm even disappointed in myself for that statement...

Liz: You hang out with my friends? Sorry, a failed actress and a twat?
Shaun: Well, that's a bit harsh.
Liz: Your words!
Shaun: I did NOT call Dianne a failed actress!



Let's begin with something light; a couple of my favorite zombie movies.

1) Right at the very top of the list is Shaun of the Dead. Great movie with a lot of amazing one-liners. It's not intense or aggressive, for the most part. A great film with an amazing humor element.

The basic rundown of the film is that the outbreak has occurred in London. In the midst of Shaun and his best friend, Ed, attempting to remain alive and save the people the love, Shaun is stuck in a battle to save his failing relationship with his (ex)girlfriend, Liz. The two best friends truly make me hope that when the world comes to this end, that I have my best bud beside me... but hopefully more competent that Ed.

2) Next up is ZombieLand. Almost as funny as Shaun, but this movie gets a little deeper into the personal stories of the characters. These four survivors meet criss-crossing the country because they have heard that the opposite side of the country is safe from infection. Z-Land is also quite a bit more intense than Shaun.  The gore and scare factor has been turned up noticibly, especially early and late in the movie. However, following the storylines of a man obsessed with Twinkies, a kid who has 32 rules to surviving the zombies, and two girls who just want to get to an amusement park, takes away from the intensity. Solid zombie movie.

 

Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year.
Columbus: There are no penguins on the North Pole.
Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?


 

3) Dawn of the Dead was probably the first zombie movie I saw that truly pissed me off. Don't get me wrong; the story is pretty good, the action is appropriate, and the acting was above par. However, never under God's hot sun should a zombie be able to run! I mean, honestly, rotting muscles and tissue, yet you can RUN after me?! This shook the very foundation of my zombie knowledge. I was (am) pissed off! This is the most fucked up thing about any zombie movie... EVER. I don't know who started this crap, but I hope that person becomes a zombie, runs at me, and I cut his legs out from under him... then I'm gonna beat his ass back to death with his own feet. When he's dead, I'm gonna shove a leg up each nostril and set him on fire. Then, I'm going to put his ashes in a coffee can, use it as a toilet, and send it home to his mother... That'll teach him to make zombies who can run... asshole.

 4) AMC has a television show, The Walking Dead. This show, based on a graphic novel series, is phenomenal. I even got Jenny, who thinks my zombie fascination stems from being married to her, to watch this show. Basically, Rick is left for dead in a hospital while recovering from being shot on the job (as a sheriff). Upon waking, he sees what's happened to the world and begins the hunt for his wife and son. I won't ruin it for you, but the storyline is amazing. Each episode leaves you waiting for the next. The only downfall is that AMC didn't anticipate how hugely popular the show would be and failed to prepare a second season of episodes. With writing and filming, they are projecting season 2 to premiere in October of this year. I know some of you are thinking, "Whoop-dee-freakin-doo!" but I'm telling you, this is for real. On its premiere night last October, it broke the all-time record for the most watched television show in the history of cable television. Check it out and thank me later (I'll send you an email containing my address to which you can lavish me with awesome gifts and such.)

I'm going to stop there for now. If you don't like zombies, then you didn't even read this far. I'm not sure why I went all Siskel and Ebert on this, but it just seemed like the right thing to do. Hopefully, my next in this series will get me back to the all-knowing, sarcastic, realist that you all know and love.

Never Let (grad) School Interefere with Your Education

     Where to begin? It's been a ridiculous whirlwind since I started this damned program. I actually thought to myself (as opposed to thinking to someone else), "Meeting one Saturday a month?! How hard can this be?!" In doing so, I picked up right where I left off in school: being wrong.
     It started at the first meeting way back in October when we were told, "For the next two months, we are going to be meeting twice a month." Twice a month? Really? No prob!...

PROB: Meeting twice a month meant reading 2 novels per month and completed the tedious chore of reviewing each novel to turn in for a grade. At the same time, we were also to complete lesson plans to be published and answer questions for various readings that we were assigned.... on top of our real jobs and other every day  garbage that all people deal with.
** NOTE: I didn't sign up for a publications degree or position of editor. I thought this was a bogus task from the beginning.

     So, December gets here rather quickly. It wasn't until this point that I realized, " Umm, we haven't received ANY completed work back from the professors." We all must be doing really well or they'd tell us, I guess. No prob!...

PROB: I immediately went into an anxiety fit and my OCD kicked in. Suddenly, it hits me that I've been answering the questions in a format of my own choosing. What if that's wrong? What if they're taking points off each time and I don't know it? What if the plural of moose actually was meece? (Off topic, but felt very relevant at the time.)
**NOTE: It eventually ended up not mattering at all. Everyone's format was different; crisis averted... for now.

     Last month we began receiving instruction from a second professor in the history section of the class. Actually, he's the one who handed back our initial paperwork. I had already heard some discouraging news about him as a teacher, i.e. tough to follow in lecture, requires a more detailed explanation during assignments, all around jerk. Right out of the damned gate, he tells us before people are even seated, "I grade tougher than Dr. Xyz (actual name changed to protect the innocent). I'm the tougher of the two. I expect a lot more than he does. This is a graduate level course." I appreciate the honesty. While I'm on this honesty kick, I enjoy his lectures... a lot. He's a sarcastic person who emphasises the idiocy of others and isn't afraid to point out where history, historians, and people who he disagrees with in general went wrong. I like that. I like this guy already! No prob!...

PROB: While I am thoroughly appreciative of this guy's candor and pompous attitude (we would be great friends and better drinking buddies), his grading scale is a bit... skewed. For example, if he thinks that John  Adams could've handled Situation A a certain way, but you think he handled it quite well, all things considered.... you just received a letter grade drop.  His opinion matters THAT much.
**NOTE: I actually like this guy, as I previously stated. I'm just going to have to adjust and bend my opinions for the next 2.5 years in his class. Can do.

     For those of you who don't know, I'm getting the chance to return to graduate school, and it's a pretty sweet deal. I show up once a month (and two weeks in the summer) for three years (total of 66 days) and I get a graduate degree. They pay for the tuition, books, lunch every time we meet, hotels/buses/plane fare when we travel, all my classroom materials, etc. All I paid was the registration fee of $25. I'm extremely grateful to be doing this, especially with some people that I currently work with. However, in true Derrick fashion, I felt it necessary to find the flaws, expose them, and complain about it.

Until next time, I'm going to try to live out a Mark Twain philosophy and try to "never let school interfere with my education."