Sunday, September 14, 2014

1000 Things I Hate: #2

#2. PEOPLE THAT SAY "LIKE" BEFORE EVERY WORD


There is nothing more annoying than talking to someone who spends 13 minutes telling a 4 minute story. What makes up the other nine minutes? A small word. A word of comparison. A word expressing similarity. That word is: Like. We used to make fun of the stereotypical Cali girls who would be, like, so annoying. Somewhere, as a culture, people assimilated this word into their everyday conversation. I am of the opinion that there are a few reasons why people, like, say like, like, waaay too much.



Easy on the eyes. Hard on the ears.
Reason 1: People need a placeholder to think of what they are going to say next. Think about how many times during speeches that people use "Umm," "Well," and other useless sounds to create a gap to think about what they will say next. Some even use it in conversation.

Reason 2: People, like, seriously have, like, nothing interesting to say. Some people feel as though adding words and making what they have to say longer, makes them sound more important. It doesn't. You sound like a fucking idiot. "Like, dude, like that really hurt my feelings. I'm, like, a little mad that you feeling, like, like that about me." Don't be mad. Get a dictionary, something interesting to say, and come talk to me. I'm sure we'll patch things right up.

There's probably another reason or seventy-three. If you have one, feel free to tell me. Just don't, like, use 'like' to get your point across. (See above.)

Friday, September 5, 2014

1000 Things I Hate: #1

  I'm not sure how to start this out. I am quite sure, though, that I do indeed hate one thousand things. I will be updating this frequently (hopefully). We'll see where it goes.


#1. WAKING UP 3 MINUTES BEFORE THE ALARM


       Seriously?! This has got to be one of life's biggest practical jokes. You're right in the middle of quite possibly the best dream ever. THE most amazing thing is about to happen; you're watching Batman ride a mechanical unicorn over a sea of playful dolphins, about to finally make out with Milla Jovovich, watch Kobe Bryant actually go to jail for ass-raping that chick in Colorado...


You get the idea. It's all about to come together, then... your eyes fly open, you lay there looking around, wondering where you are, and you quickly glance at the clock to see if you've overslept!
Well, you avoided that bullet, only to then have another though cross your mind: 'Maybe if I close my eyes fast enough, I can go back to the dream!' Just as you are about to go back under... 


WHA!-WHA!-WHA!-WHA! DAMNIT! Now the alarm is blaring and you have to pee like you've held it for a month. /sigh

On top of all of that, I feel exhausted just from waking up...